I'm going to take this time to tell you that this will be an extremely random post, & I hope that's okay with you. I'm running out of ideas. My ideas for posts are no longer fresh, they have all been done before by other bloggers, and probably me at some point, too.
Blogging is one of the best things because you are able to make so many friends, but it's also very hard to make those friends. I feel like half of the time, blogging is a big community that I'm not a part of. Maybe because I haven't crossed the bridge into thousands of followers, or maybe because I'm not a strictly beauty blog, I throw in lifestyle, music, art, and ramblings. Either way, I feel like my blog is my battle. It's like a representation of my life. Half the time I feel good, I like what I'm doing and I like how I'm able to just....do what I want. But the other half of the time is like a battle to be happy with myself. I've never been the pretty girl, the smart girl, the happy girl, whatever. I'm always in the middle of everything. And I guess that's how I'm feeling about blogging. I still love it and I love it far to much to just give up. I just don't really feel like I have the same excited, outgoing outlook that I did when I started blogging. I feel like I'm battling to get my blog to be what I want it to be, which I what I always think about myself - I try too hard to be myself, when really if you're really yourself, you shouldn't be trying at all.
I started thinking about myself and what exactly I'm doing for my blog that I like. I like how I'm able to be who I want on my blog, I like my writing style. Then I thought about what I didn't like, and I've come to the conclusion that blogging is still very much for me, it's just not something that I am always perfectly happy with. I love my blog far to much to give up on it and end it. I just need to think about why I'm losing my way, both in my blogging life and my real life. The past year has been a little bit of heaven and a little bit of a trainwreck. So many things have gone wrong and I feel like it's been my personal struggle to overcome all of it - it hasn't been easy and I'm still not even half way up this mountain of mine.
I can't even believe that their are over 400 of you that like reading my ramblings and like hearing what I have to say. At the time when I made this blog, I kind of thought if would be more like a diary - something I could look back on. I didn't even know 'GFC' existed, let alone that so many people would be using it to follow my blog. My ramblings, my words, my heart. I put a lot of me into this blog and it kind of shocks me how many of you seem to really like 'me'. Honestly, I can't comprehend it.
The biggest thing I ever wanted for this blog is for me to be relatable...to just be me and to be accepted while doing it. I want to step away from trying to be like other people, because let's face it - that plan never works anyway. Trust me, I would know. I spent my whole first grade year trying to be like my 18 year old cousin. Anyway, I want to be me and I want to be accepted. If blogging is a competition, I don't need to be in first place...but I still would like a participation ribbon, please :) But really - I don't need to be the 'best' or the 'biggest' or whatever, I just want to be me.
And I've decided that the only way to be me is to step away from beauty related posts. Yeah, you read that sentence correctly. I still love makeup, I still will post about makeup here. But I want you to scroll to the top of this blog and read my tag line.
A beauty, lifestyle, and random blog.
Not a beauty blog - also, a lifestyle and random blog. I'll still be posting about beauty about half the time. Probably a good 50-60% of my posts will be beauty related. But the other half or so will focus around me. I constantly compare my blog to other blogs 'Oooh let's get rid of all my lifestyle posts, take better pictures, and have a plain layout and I can he like HERE!' or 'Oooh let me go buy 5 thousand followers, make a YouTube channel even though it scares me half to death, move to France and I can be like HER!' - I've seriously thought both of these things before. Maybe it's time for me to post more about me and less about lipstick. Maybe it's time for me to step away from the beauty community and go into the 'blogging' community. I don't want a beauty blog, I just want a blog where I can write about what I choose. I want a support system that likes reading what I have to say.
Their was a night when I thought about deleting all of this - the blog, the twitter, the facebook, the pinterest, all of it. I hovered over the 'Delete this Blog' button because I had been getting so much hate & I was unsure of where I was going, what I was doing, who I was. But then I thought about all of you. And the way you picked me up when I was down, the way that I felt before this blog was terrible - I was lonely & sad, & I'm better now. I thought about how your comments really do make my day & how you tell me that my posts amaze you or my posts helped you, it all makes me feel so good. I could never delete this blog. I love this community too much.
I can assure you that I won't disapoint you in my new content, I'm going to make it as well rounded as I can. But please, give it a chance. :) I think you'll really like what I have planned for you! I promise beauty posts are not going away - no, not at all! New things will just be added to the mix! If you like beauty posts, you can get those here. If you like lifestyle posts, you can get those here, too. Baking? It's here. Music? It's here. Poetry? It's here. It's all on it's way. I did name this blog Wonderland for a reason.